The #1 predictor of divorce
Marriage is easy when the sex is hot, the money is in good supply and the kids are getting straight A’s in school. But then, when the going gets rough, that is when people either retreat to their own corners, declare war, collapse into tears, or abandon marriage ship.
The way we navigate through these tough moments determines whether the marriage will last or end up in divorce.
Here are some #1 Predictors of divorce in marriage;
Predictor of Divorce #1.Criticism
When you criticize your spouse, it is done in a way that implies something is inherently wrong with him or her. The criticism comes with an immediate sense of negativity. You may also be attacking your partner’s personality or character.
The intent is to win the argument or prove your spouse wrong. For instance, “You’re so selfish for not wanting to do this with me,” is a criticism.
This will make the spouse feel attacked and is likely to elicit a defensive response. These bad patterns cause you both to not feel heard. You both may start to feel bad about yourselves when you are around each other.
Ideally, anything finance related is discussed prior to marriage, but many times it is not.Perhaps more damaging than any potential financial repercussions (e.g. difficulties obtaining a mortgage), is the perceived breach of trust.
During the marriage is when many money problems occur. Spending too much, making secret purchases, maxing out credit cards, late bills – all are potential reasons for one partner to consider divorce.
Complete withdrawal from communication in trying to avoid conflict is essentially stonewalling. It may look be physically leaving or completely shutting down. This might be an attempt to calm oneself when overwhelmed. Stonewalling conveys disconnection, disapproval, distancing, and arrogance.
It’s a good idea to verbalize that you feel overwhelmed. You can both agree to take a break and that the conversation will resume when you are both calmer.
It’s extremely important to communicate with your partner when things start to go wrong. Turning away, tuning someone out, or acting busy in order to avoid open communication are all forms of stonewalling. It’s easy to become infuriated when you’re trying to talk things out with your partner and they’re ignoring it. It can lead to even more tense arguments.
Job coming first
“Family comes first” is a tried and true axiom of happy couples and families. When one half of the marriage suddenly becomes a workaholic, it may be a bad sign. The circumstances surrounding such behavior ultimately determine the relationship’s outcome.
Unsurprisingly, effective communication is vital; when the other half begins to spend a disproportionate amount of time at work, sans explanation, the chances of divorce increases significantly.